Allow me a page or so to take you to a magical land called Kay.
The land of Kay is a small planet that very much resembles this one. It is much smaller, and frankly, way better. There are no seasonal changes in Kay because they are unnecessary. There are no troubles with overpopulation, hunger, war or pollution. The people of Kay figured out all of their global issues long ago and thought them all to be pretty simple. The political climate of Kay is a Libertarian/Anarchist utopia – this works because everyone is very nice and globally conscious.
The native language, in its written form, consists of only four letters and about thirty punctuation symbols. Translations for the following words and concepts cannot be found in the Kayland language: work, theft, choss-pile, crappy beer, ugly, lame, totally lame, unfair, unjust and poorly manufactured. Kay is much like the American folk song “The Big Rock Candy Mountain,” except that it was not inspired by the great depression and there is more of an emphasis on outdoor recreation.
Kay is half ocean and half land and half ocean (they also have no concept of the “whole”). All of the beaches are perpetually bequeathed with perfect surfing waves and are always lit by fireflies at night. The tallest mountains in Kay reach up to 6,668,000 feet above sea level with enormous granite spires penetrating through magical rainbow clouds, nearly reaching the upper limits of the candycoatosphere. Below the Granite spires lay a wonderland of forested slopes that receive 12 feet of powder each night and are blue-bird everyday. Most of the slopes are between 45 and 90 degrees, but for some reason, nothing ever slides.
As the snow melts and makes its way down, it is gradually converted into the most delicious beer imaginable. This hoppy runoff cascades down beautiful canyons that are lined with walls of every type of stone from perfect limestone to windgate sandstone. By the time it reaches the ocean (which takes exactly 12 years) it has become the most perfect scotch imaginable.
The lowlands of Kay are lush with all sorts of vines, bushes and enormous cigarette trees. Cigarettes are Kay’s primary intergalactic export. Everyone in Kay smokes like a chimney and is incredibly healthy.
Like, for example, the unicorn, Kay's primary indigenous creature. These unicorns can talk and are always willing to offer infallible advice on how to handle any problem. However, Kayland people rarely have problems so the Unicorns are often quite bored. These unicorns want nothing more than to help others, and so sometimes, lacking the opportunity to do so, they cry sad little unicorn tears and waste their days drinking from the rivers and smoking from the trees until their stomachs upset and they fart glitter in trails sometimes exceeding 12-1/2 feet. Legend has it that it was this circumstance exactly that inspired these charitable creatures to turn their attention to a more needy planet and bestow the following magic unto the WildyX:
Kayland Women's ZEPHYR Hiking Boot
Kayland Men's ZEPHYR Hiking Boot
Kayland Men's VERTIGO HIGH
Kayland Women's CRUX GRIP (2009/2010)
Kayland Women's M11+
Kayland Women's CONTACT
After the unicorns were done providing the WildyX with fantastical deals on Kayland footwear, they were quite tired. They had forgotten how much work doing stuff was. So they returned to their home planet and took a nap.
Last I checked, they're still sleeping. But you're not. So come on in and get in on the magic.
Sam Benedict
Shipping/Receiving Manager
Wilderness Exchange Unlimited
2401 15th st Suite 100 Denver, CO 80202
303 477 0881
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