Mountain Hardwear athlete Andrew McLean is coming to town!! Join us for a night of slides, raffles, munchies and adult beverages!! Thursday, October 14 at 8:00 PM
In mountaineering terms, the "Alaska Family" is made up of three major peaks - father Denali, mother Sultana and the child, Mt. Hunter. These three peaks form the highest point, the hardest 14'er and the peak with one of the lowest odds of success in North America. Over a span of fourteen years, Andrew McLean and partners dodged crevasses, avalanches and bad weather to eventually climb and ski all three of these historic peaks. This one-hour presentation details the effort and evolution of Ski Mountaineering involved with making tracks off the summits of these three iconic peaks.
That’s right, they are HERE. The new 10/11 Icelantic sticks came in last week and I’m just now getting around to announcing it because I have been celebrating non-stop since I first laid eyes on them (my liver hurts). Since their inauguration, they have had a special emphasis on the graphical and artistic components of their cutting edge ski line. This year is no exception – they really out did themselves. Some of our staff members were profoundly affected. Let’s listen to some testimonials:
“Ooooh baby!! That’s what I’m talkin’ about!! These skis remind me why I don’t ice climb. I mean WOW!, they’re so purdy I’m tempted to throw my smelly leather boots and misery sticks in the closet for good and join the new school”
- Said Don Bushey, para miming his old school praying mantis tele-technique.
“I’m a super uppity little tele-punk and I don’t see too many products that really impress me… but these…they might just be on to something here”
- Said Jeff Welchright before he threw a smoke bomb on the ground, grabbed a pair, and ran out the door cackling maniacally.*
“I just… I mean…..they’re just so….oh gosh”
-Said an emotional Reilly “fingers” Anderson right before breaking down into his third cry of the day and excusing himself from the room.
Here’s the line up (you might want to sit down for this):
Icelantic KEEPER - Funk is the sound of raw, organic, human instinct. Made from beats, jams, pulses, and other cosmic entities from around the universe.
Icelantic ORACLE - The Oracle is designed for women who are tired of women’s skis. Integrating a new “Fly-weight” core with the same quality lay-up, makes The Oracle equal in strength, but a bit lighter for a women’s frame.
Icelantic NOMAD Ski - The Nomad is a one ski quiver. Able to tackle any and every snow condition, at ease among ridges and peaks, and eager to lay into any terrain, the Nomad is an exceptional tool of versatility
Icelantic NOMAD SOFT - The SOFT has the same specs as the regular Nomad but features Icelatic's super-soft Nollie Flex Core. The Nomad SFT is a big mountain jib ski that allows skiers to take their bag o’ tricks from the park into the backcountry.
* Shortly after fleeing the WildyX Mr. Welch was apprehended by local authorities. An anonymous tipster contacted the Denver police reporting a young man sprinting down Platte St. with a beautiful pair of skis, suspicious laugh and an untrustworthy demeanor. Welch was beaten viciously by Denver police and is currently awaiting trial on charges of grand theft-tele.
Our fall gear swap this yeas was a resounding success. There were so many great deals and super-psyched customers it was nearly more than my little heart could bear. Frankly, words just can’t describe the level of awesomeness. I was thinking “I should be getting video of this mayhem” the whole time, but we barely had time to breathe much less bust out the camera. Fortunately, Jason Klass was there to field the video thing for us.
Here at the Wilderness Exchange we believe that everyone should own at least one (preferably like 3-4) pair of Smith goggles. Smith goggles are designed and marketed with snow-sports in mind, but their potential applications are vast.
Smith goggles can provide adequate eye protection in a variety of situations…such as:
-Cooking bacon.
-Water fights
-Keeping sand out of your eyes in brutal desert wind storms
-Fitting in at Burning Man
-Punching someone in the face so hard that blood splatters everywhere but doesn’t get in your eyes because you had the foresight to put on your goggles first
-Extreme soap-box derby racing
-Talking all kinds of smack to your town’s Ibex until he spits in you face repeatedly but you wouldn’t even be stressing it because your wearing your new Smith goggles
Here are a few of the amazing closeout deals on Smith goggles we just got in:
OK… So…Two big things here (I’m so excited right now I can hardly sit still)….OK… here goes:
1. The Wilderness Exchange Unlimited is now a proud retailer of ClimbX climbing paraphernalia. Climb X is a new company. Their niche is well-made gear with low price points to accommodate the climbing proletariat. Industry experts and esteemed analysts are predicting that Climb X is going to dominate the living crap out of the climbing market.
-Climb X PILOT – take flight with this stylish yet economical harness
-Climb X GYPSY – this harness will take you where ever your wanderlust desires
-Climb X DOUBLE X – we were going to bring in the “Triple X” too, but decided that it might be a little racy for our clientele
2. I have made it my mission to become Climb X’s first sponsored athlete (those who know me are laughing right now). While this may be an ambitious goal, I don’t feel that it is out of the realm of possibilities. What I may lack in climbing ability, credibility, sex appeal and social skills, I more than make up for in spirit and passion.
Here are a few things I have been doing to ready myself for the life of a sponsored climber:
-Seven pull-ups a day (some people have told me that standing on an exercise ball while doing pull ups is cheating – these people are haters).
-Every morning at about I go into the bathroom and practice my game face and climbing scream for about an hour. In order to monitor my progress I record my screaming on my roommate’s 24 track hi-fi recording system. Then, I go upstairs and blast the recording on our 2,000 watt surround-sound system while I have my morning coffee and do a little yoga. Then, I put on my sweatpants and bike helmet and jog around the neighborhood.
-I enrolled in a variety of high energy dance classes to add a cardio element to my regiment. Unfortunately, these classes became cost prohibitive and I have since resorted to just playing Dance Dance Revolution twice a week.
-I induce vomiting every other night before bed.
-I am saving up to get collagen implants in my forearms.
-To prepare myself for the competitive nature of the pro climbing scene I frequently challenge the neighborhood children to bicycle races. I generally lose these races (mainly because those little cheaters have training wheels), but I see this as training for dealing with the agony of defeat.
((Best game-face yet))
So, with my new game face, training régime, lifestyle changes and upcoming cosmetic procedures, I think it’s realistic to say that sponsorship is all but mine.
Also, I have assured my esteemed colleague Hiro Nakakura that he is welcome to ride my coattails all the way to the top. I am a man of my word, so if Climb X wants me they have to take Hiro too (I am also a man who frequently goes back on his word so….yeah).
In summary, I intend to continue pestering Climb X until they provide me with either a full sponsorship or a restraining order.
Thursday, October 14 at 8:00 PM
