While so many of our other vendors get their holiday kicks by going out of their way to drive our fearless leader mad (attempting to “fade a brother” as he puts it), Black Diamond wishes only to use us to liquidate high quality winter action and ensure our prosperity. Many of our vendors have been acting like surly house cats lately; taking us for what they can, being generally disobedient, and looking at us with that removed and condescending gaze that makes us wonder why we even bother… also trying to stick us with product that we don’t want (house cats do that too). All the while, Black Diamond is like that faithful golden retriever, whose greatest joy in life is jumping to perform any benign task it’s charged with: sit, shake, roll over, whisper, or even maintain a symbiotic relationship with an independent, niche, outdoor retailer (golden retrievers love small business).
Good boy BD!! You’re suuuch a gooood boy. Who’s a good boy? Who is? Oh it’s you isn’t it? Yes it is. Oh yes it is. You’re the best dog (company) in the whooooole WORLD…ok, here’s a treat. Now go lay down.
Look at BD…don’t those eyes just turn you into jelly?
Some of our other vendor who shall remain nameless
The Wilderness Exchange Unlimited is now officially THE liquidator of closeout Icelantic skis!!!
As of 12-9-10 we have a remaining 55 units of the following models (we started with a LOT more):
Icelantic is like the cool kid of the ski industry; they’re steezy (stylish), cutting edge, in vogue, very 2011…the word “hipster” has taken on something of a negative connotation recently, but it describes them perfectly (…without the incredible narcissism, unpractical footwear and bad haircuts). The company, their product and the people who run it are clearly a cut above the rest, the cream of the crop, the bee’s knee’s… and they know it.
Then there’s the Wildy…we’re like that awkward, vaguely smelly trailer-park-kid who gets into all kinds of mischief, but still gets really good grades and will likely be on the cover of Forbes someday. We are simultaneously scorned and envied by the rest of the industry for our rugged competence and tendency to somehow make it out ahead.
So how was this beautiful relationship forged? A few hypotheses have come up:
Are we just that cool? – No.
Were we the only ones willing to take on such huge volume of closeout skis? – No.
Did Icelantic need to liquidate ASAP in order to pay pressing gambling debts? – Unlikely.
Did our fearless leader employ everything he knows about alchemy, quantum physics, string theory and psychology to manifest this into reality? – mmmmm… not likely, those things are for people who have too much time to think. Our fearless leader is a busy man.
Did our fearless leader take the owner of Icelantic out for a nice business lunch at Sushi Sasa to grease the wheels by picking up a tab larger than the projected proceeds of this Icelantic deal?....Maybe.
Anyhow, these deals have been flying out the door and all over the country. So get in on it soon or be prepared to be very disappointed in your self.
BD Mercury Mitts will make a supersonic man and/or woman out of anyone... Its true... just think about it! Anyway... When these came in, we were all a little confused as to what exactly qualified them as cosmetic 2nds. They looked brand spanking new. They even smelled pretty nice. We couldn't detect anything even remotely second rate about these so called "cosmetic 2nds," so we called Black Diamond and got the low-down. Apparently, they somehow got a little dusty and just slightly moldy in the warehouse. So BD washed them all to perfection and sold them to us at an incredible price. Naturally, we are passing this amazing savings on to you!!
Not sure about this deal? Just ask yourself, “What would Freddy Mercury do?”
Surely he would have you buy at least one pair…preferably seven or eight. The man is a super epic rock legend who travels at the speed of light, for heavens sake. His anthems are blasted at nearly every American sporting event because Americans, much like Freddy, know that we are the champions. And we will have you know that we will ROCK YOU (soooo hard). We’ll rock your face off – believe that. In conclusion: If you don’t like sports, you are not an American. If you don’t like Freddy Mercury, you are a crappy excuse for an American. If you don’t take advantage of these amazing saving on Mercury Mitts, Freddy Mercury will be very disappointed in you - and in turn, the collective American consciousness will be, as well.
Imagine it’s the first day of the ninth grade. All the kids have Kahtoolas and you show up wearing yak-trax or something. Ugg, just imagine…devastating. From there your life is a downward spiral…
Age 15 you develop irreparable self-esteem issues that make life very trying in nearly every way. Existence is painful.
Age 16 the D&D club and band geeks alternate days beating you up, taking your lunch money, and giving you the most atomic, underwear shredding wedgies imaginable.
Age 17 you are expelled from highschool for being wicked-lame
Age 18 your parents kick you out of the house and give you with an invoice for all the shredded underwear they had to replace. You are unable to pay so they disown you and send collections after you. You are unable to pay and fall deep into debt. The interest rates are unreal.
Age 23 you are fired from Wendy’s for hurting the company’s image and being a downer.
The rest of your life becomes exponentially more intolerable with each passing year. The last notable event occurs at age 46 when you are laying face down on a cold snowy sidewalk being slowly trampled by a bunch of merry pedestrians wearing Kahtoolas. In spite of your dire straights you can’t help but to chuckle a bit at the irony, chuckling turns into hysterical laughter (the first in years), then fades into pitiful sobbing. You are then arrested for disturbing the peace and a public display of suckery. The Judge doesn’t care for you at all and you spend the rest of your life in prision.
Minus 33, it seems like an off brand, nobody really knows who they are. They don’t really have the reputation or branding mastery of Smartwool, Icebreaker or Patagonia but their products are every bit as great…perhaps even more so. Who knows, maybe it’s because they’re so content just wallowing in their wool garments all day, drinking hot co-co and watching syndicated telivesion that they have no drive to further their brand and gain market share. Actually, that’s probably it; I had to stop wearing my Minus 33 stuff to work due to the warm n’ fuzzy lethargy that it induced.
Ironically, wearing minus 33 gives you super-human strength. So when you awake from your third nap of the day you’ll just want to start pumping iron and breaking concrete with your face…
Jason did just that
And Lisa....
Lisa got so hyped up she started dry-tooling on our climbing wall and didn't stop for like four and a half hours. It started out being pretty funny, but by hour three we were all a little concerned.
Anyway, Here is a list of out wonderful Minus 33 selection:
A lot of you have probably been enjoying the warm weather in Denver recently. Riding your bike, climbing some rocks, maybe just hanging out on the porch of your favorite neighborhood hipster coffee shop. Whatever it is you’ve been doing… you probably didn’t realize that it’s actually ski season. But I’m here to tell you that it is. No seriously, it is.
The last week of October went out with a bang. Loveland opened up on Oct 24, then the faucet promptly switched from “off” to “firehose” and it snowed a solid 3 feet. I was lucky enough to get out for 3 days of stormy touring in the usual early season locales. Here’s a screenshot from my helmet cam:
OK, I don’t really have a helmet cam. Yet. But that’s what it would have looked like if I did.
But anyway, I didn’t write this to brag. I wrote this because there’s another storm on its way. And I guarantee the skiing is going to be good, and it’ll be even better if you have the right gear. And that’s where SCARPA comes in.
We have a HUGE selection of Scarpa boots for pretty much every brand of telewhacker or cheater (AT) skier out there. Let’s start with my favorite: SCARPA T-RACE Just look at this boot. Look at it! Besides just looking dead sexy, it’s a really damn good ski boot. I have about a half dozen days in on the new T-Race, and Scarpa hit a home-freaking-run. Same flex and performance as the white & red Candycane T-Races from years past, but with lots of improvements. The new tongue liner is even more comfortable, the buckles are way easier to use and tighten, there’s a little plastic guard on the instep cables, and the new “Active Power Strap” feels just as solid as the old Booster Strap but is way lighter. Oh yeah, and there’s a WALK MODE!!! And yes, it’s pretty much just as stiff as the old fixed cuff, but now makes the boot way more comfortable for longer tours, especially if there’s much flat ground involved. That’s the long way of saying you should buy a pair.
And for the ladies, a whole mess of discounted T1s: SCARPA WOMEN’S T1(09/10 closeout)
Much as I hate to admit it, AT skiers are people too. And because they're people, they need ski boots. As luck would have it, Scarpa makes really nice AT boots. SCARPA MOBE (this thing is stiff… and Dynafit compatible!) SCARPA SKOOKUM (less stiff, but definitely tours better) SCARPA MAESTRALE (holy light weight!)
Some sweet discounted boots for men too: SCARPA HURRICANE (09/10 closeout... no walk mode… but can be retrofitted with the new Powerblock Tour walk mode) SCARPA SPIRIT 4 (09/10 closeout... touring goodness) SCARPA SPIRIT 3 (09/10 closeout... lighter softer touring goodness) SCARPA TORNADO PRO (with Intuition liner!) SCARPA TORNADO PRO (with Plusfit liner)
Let’s not forget discounts for the ladies: SCARPA DOMINA (10/11 cosmetic second) SCARPA DIVA (09/10 closeouts & cosmetic seconds) SCARPA MAGIC (closeouts)
Mountain Hardwear athlete Andrew McLean is coming to town!! Join us for a night of slides, raffles, munchies and adult beverages!! Thursday, October 14 at 8:00 PM
In mountaineering terms, the "Alaska Family" is made up of three major peaks - father Denali, mother Sultana and the child, Mt. Hunter. These three peaks form the highest point, the hardest 14'er and the peak with one of the lowest odds of success in North America. Over a span of fourteen years, Andrew McLean and partners dodged crevasses, avalanches and bad weather to eventually climb and ski all three of these historic peaks. This one-hour presentation details the effort and evolution of Ski Mountaineering involved with making tracks off the summits of these three iconic peaks.
That’s right, they are HERE. The new 10/11 Icelantic sticks came in last week and I’m just now getting around to announcing it because I have been celebrating non-stop since I first laid eyes on them (my liver hurts). Since their inauguration, they have had a special emphasis on the graphical and artistic components of their cutting edge ski line. This year is no exception – they really out did themselves. Some of our staff members were profoundly affected. Let’s listen to some testimonials:
“Ooooh baby!! That’s what I’m talkin’ about!! These skis remind me why I don’t ice climb. I mean WOW!, they’re so purdy I’m tempted to throw my smelly leather boots and misery sticks in the closet for good and join the new school”
- Said Don Bushey, para miming his old school praying mantis tele-technique.
“I’m a super uppity little tele-punk and I don’t see too many products that really impress me… but these…they might just be on to something here”
- Said Jeff Welchright before he threw a smoke bomb on the ground, grabbed a pair, and ran out the door cackling maniacally.*
“I just… I mean…..they’re just so….oh gosh”
-Said an emotional Reilly “fingers” Anderson right before breaking down into his third cry of the day and excusing himself from the room.
Here’s the line up (you might want to sit down for this):
Icelantic KEEPER - Funk is the sound of raw, organic, human instinct. Made from beats, jams, pulses, and other cosmic entities from around the universe.
Icelantic ORACLE - The Oracle is designed for women who are tired of women’s skis. Integrating a new “Fly-weight” core with the same quality lay-up, makes The Oracle equal in strength, but a bit lighter for a women’s frame.
Icelantic NOMAD Ski - The Nomad is a one ski quiver. Able to tackle any and every snow condition, at ease among ridges and peaks, and eager to lay into any terrain, the Nomad is an exceptional tool of versatility
Icelantic NOMAD SOFT - The SOFT has the same specs as the regular Nomad but features Icelatic's super-soft Nollie Flex Core. The Nomad SFT is a big mountain jib ski that allows skiers to take their bag o’ tricks from the park into the backcountry.
* Shortly after fleeing the WildyX Mr. Welch was apprehended by local authorities. An anonymous tipster contacted the Denver police reporting a young man sprinting down Platte St. with a beautiful pair of skis, suspicious laugh and an untrustworthy demeanor. Welch was beaten viciously by Denver police and is currently awaiting trial on charges of grand theft-tele.
Our fall gear swap this yeas was a resounding success. There were so many great deals and super-psyched customers it was nearly more than my little heart could bear. Frankly, words just can’t describe the level of awesomeness. I was thinking “I should be getting video of this mayhem” the whole time, but we barely had time to breathe much less bust out the camera. Fortunately, Jason Klass was there to field the video thing for us.
Here at the Wilderness Exchange we believe that everyone should own at least one (preferably like 3-4) pair of Smith goggles. Smith goggles are designed and marketed with snow-sports in mind, but their potential applications are vast.
Smith goggles can provide adequate eye protection in a variety of situations…such as:
-Cooking bacon.
-Water fights
-Keeping sand out of your eyes in brutal desert wind storms
-Fitting in at Burning Man
-Punching someone in the face so hard that blood splatters everywhere but doesn’t get in your eyes because you had the foresight to put on your goggles first
-Extreme soap-box derby racing
-Talking all kinds of smack to your town’s Ibex until he spits in you face repeatedly but you wouldn’t even be stressing it because your wearing your new Smith goggles
Here are a few of the amazing closeout deals on Smith goggles we just got in:
OK… So…Two big things here (I’m so excited right now I can hardly sit still)….OK… here goes:
1. The Wilderness Exchange Unlimited is now a proud retailer of ClimbX climbing paraphernalia. Climb X is a new company. Their niche is well-made gear with low price points to accommodate the climbing proletariat. Industry experts and esteemed analysts are predicting that Climb X is going to dominate the living crap out of the climbing market.
-Climb X PILOT – take flight with this stylish yet economical harness
-Climb X GYPSY – this harness will take you where ever your wanderlust desires
-Climb X DOUBLE X – we were going to bring in the “Triple X” too, but decided that it might be a little racy for our clientele
2. I have made it my mission to become Climb X’s first sponsored athlete (those who know me are laughing right now). While this may be an ambitious goal, I don’t feel that it is out of the realm of possibilities. What I may lack in climbing ability, credibility, sex appeal and social skills, I more than make up for in spirit and passion.
Here are a few things I have been doing to ready myself for the life of a sponsored climber:
-Seven pull-ups a day (some people have told me that standing on an exercise ball while doing pull ups is cheating – these people are haters).
-Every morning at about I go into the bathroom and practice my game face and climbing scream for about an hour. In order to monitor my progress I record my screaming on my roommate’s 24 track hi-fi recording system. Then, I go upstairs and blast the recording on our 2,000 watt surround-sound system while I have my morning coffee and do a little yoga. Then, I put on my sweatpants and bike helmet and jog around the neighborhood.
-I enrolled in a variety of high energy dance classes to add a cardio element to my regiment. Unfortunately, these classes became cost prohibitive and I have since resorted to just playing Dance Dance Revolution twice a week.
-I induce vomiting every other night before bed.
-I am saving up to get collagen implants in my forearms.
-To prepare myself for the competitive nature of the pro climbing scene I frequently challenge the neighborhood children to bicycle races. I generally lose these races (mainly because those little cheaters have training wheels), but I see this as training for dealing with the agony of defeat.
((Best game-face yet))
So, with my new game face, training régime, lifestyle changes and upcoming cosmetic procedures, I think it’s realistic to say that sponsorship is all but mine.
Also, I have assured my esteemed colleague Hiro Nakakura that he is welcome to ride my coattails all the way to the top. I am a man of my word, so if Climb X wants me they have to take Hiro too (I am also a man who frequently goes back on his word so….yeah).
In summary, I intend to continue pestering Climb X until they provide me with either a full sponsorship or a restraining order.
Thursday, October 14 at 8:00 PM
