Scarpa – for lives less extraordinary

Scarpa has been a leader in the Climbing shoe game for a while now. You see them everywhere, and if you’ve ever picked up a climbing magazine you’ve probably seen an ad that looks like one of these:

These ads make your plams sweaty. These ads are inspiring, motivating, and uplifting. They make us feel good about our perception of ourselves as super committed rock junkies who’s main prerogatives in life are to send hard, be awesome and let others know how awesome we truly are. We are a cutting edge, fringe, anti-mainstream counter-culture of pure awesomeness, raw power and enlightenment and these Scarpa ads prove it!!

  

But what if that’s not you?

What if you are perfectly happy just wasting time on Facebook and eating Oreos until Jersey Shore come on?

What if your idea of inspiration is getting so psyched up about climbing that you actually get out of bed before 11am?

What if sending a 5.12a is a really proud accomplishment for you?   

What if V5 is your goal for 2012?

What if you’re totally ok with the fact that you pooped yourself a little on that V1 highball?

What if your idea of a solid Friday night is drawing a nice bubble-bath, cranking some Credence Clearwater Revival and relaxing with a glass of your favorite white zinfandel?...and what if you don’t see anything funny about that?

Well… then you might find those ads a little alienating. That’s why I feel that Scarpa should mix it up a bit with some ads more like this one:

Anyway the pointis: we just brought in four new Scarpa climbing models and you don’t have to be some kind of wicked-elite captain-awesome-face to have a great time climbing in them; you just have to be psyched, not even psyched really, honestly, halfway-interested will probably do.

Check out the new Scarpa action:

Scarpa THUNDER

Scarpa Women’s THUNDER

Scarpa VAPOR V

Scarpa Women’s VAPOR V

Climb on,

Sam Benedict

Shipping/Receiving Manager

Wilderness Exchange Unlimited

2401 15th st Suite 100 Denver, CO 80202

303-477-0881

sam@wildernessexchangeunlimited.com

Getting psyched for spring climbing!!!!

Down in the dumps?
 
Spending most of your free time pouting and wishing things were different? Drying your socks in the toaster oven? Doing your dishes in the bathtub again? Brushing your teeth with your t-shirt, and then using that same t-shirt to wash your car? Using Bounce dryer sheets in lieu of deodorant?

 

Sure. We’ve all been there. Well... 

Its springtime now!!! Its time to get pumped up to the max and start crushing!!!
Its time to dig your climbing tick-list out of your underwear drawer, put down that Readers Digest, and get so pumped up you just start flipping out!!!

 

“But I’m too busy!!!

I have cup-cakes in the oven, wet socks in the toaster oven, a bath tub full of dishes that won't wash themselves and I was really looking forward to watching today’s Maury.

 

Ok,

maybe you should TiVo that Maury episode, because it did look pretty good. But everything else can WAIT!!! You have more important things to think about, such as:

 

-Getting some Metolius cosmetic 2nds for best price
                                       

-Getting some new Chaco closeouts for best price

-Drinking three pots of coffee and doing a dangerous amount of pull-ups to work off that unsightly underarm fat (this might be a good time to watch Maury)

-Getting a few new sleeping pads (for best price) so you can finally throw away that vile excuse of a mattress.

-Going to the Wilderness Exchange and putting all those nappy old cams and “life is good” shirts on consignment.

-Calling your mom and seeing if she’d be willing to give you a haircut later this week.

 
-Stocking up on some best price Smartwool action

-Looking into that “warrant” thing that came in the mail last month

-Trying to decide how many new Blue Water Ropes you’re going to need this season

-Debating wheather or not to give Beal ropes a shot

-Cleaning all the Arby’s wrappers out of your car

-Studying up on all the new climbing shoes at the WildyX

-Finding a way to transfer all your precious Judas Priest cassettes onto your computer

-Meditating (harder than you ever have before)

 

Anyway, no rush, finish organizing your action figures, or back-issues of Redbook or whatever. The rest of us will be outside…crausching, hard,

   

Sam Benedict

Shipping/Receiving Manager

Wilderness Exchange Unlimited

2401 15th st Suite 100 Denver, CO 80202

303-477-0881

sam@wildernessexchangeunlimited.com

More Osprey than you can shake a stick at

Here at the WildyX we love Osprey packs. Not that we don’t hold our other pack vendors very dear as well – because we do. But our relationship with Osprey is a little different. We love Osprey like a kid loves candy, like hippies love hacky-sacs and patchouli, or a Lioness loves her cubs (at least the ones she doesn’t eat).
  
Due to our slightly obsessive affection for Osprey, we decided to bring in a lot this spring. Far more than ever before, far more than you could possibly imagine. Indeed, more Osprey than you could possibly expect to effectively shake a stick at.

Sure, you could probably shake a stick at a couple of Osprey RAPTOR 10 Packs, or even an Osprey AETHER 70 Pack.

But trying to shake a stick at our entire Osprey selection would as fruitless as getting a graduate degree in modern art.


Maybe you’re a conceptual physicist and you’re thinking way too hard about this. You’re thinking of Phi, Pie, relativity, quantum theory, and racking your brain trying desperately to untangle the maddening conundrum of shaking a single stick at such a quantity of Osprey. You haven’t slept for days, you've come up with several equations and they ALL end in infinity, you have bags under your eyes and your bedroom is starting to look like a scene from A Beautiful Mind…


If you are still entertaining the idea of shaking a stick at such unmitigated amounts of hot sweaty Osprey action, here are a few suggestions to help you get your mind correct:

-Buy an Osprey pack
-Buy multiple Osprey packs
-attach 100 leeches to your skin and sit in an empty bathtub with no food or water and white rabbit playing on a loop for 24 hours
-Take up smoking
-See a hypnotist
-Take up a hobby that doesn’t involve packs such as cooking or crochet
-put your left foot in, take your left foot out, put your left foot in and shake it all about
-Pick up the phone and dial nine, nine times

Don’t think too hard, just get a new pack,

Sam Benedict
Shipping/Receiving Manager
Wilderness Exchange Unlimited
2401 15th st Suite 100 Denver, CO 80202
303-477-0881sam@wildernessexchangeunlimited.com

So much smartwool it’ll make ya dizzy…

… and then sleepy, verrrry sleepy.
Yes. Smartwool. Everywhere. Like some kind of creepy room of mirrors like the one from Enter the Dragon.

Except in this case nobody gets run-through with a spear that gets thrown into some crazy revolving mirror-door of deception….

So really I guess our Smartwool selection really isn’t that much like Enter the Dragon; we have a no-spears policy, the owner is terrified of revolving doors, and the only kid who knew Kung Fu just got deported back to Japan.
 Anyway, we have some pretty crazy deals on Smartwool action. And if you don’t get in on it you just might get run-through with a spear (just sayin’).
I know. It’s a lot to think about.
Lisa got so overwhelmed thinking about it she fell asleep on a pile of Smartwool.

These are the styles we just received:
-Smartwool Women's PHD OUTDOOR ULTRA LIGHT MINI

-Smartwool Women's PHD OUTDOOR LIGHT CREW

-Smartwool PHD CYCLE ULTRA LIGHT MINI
Remember,

Sam Benedict
Shipping/Receiving Manager
Wilderness Exchange Unlimited
2401 15th st Suite 100 Denver, CO 80202
303-477-0881sam@wildernessexchangeunlimited.com

Fairy Tales and Therm-A Rest

Here at the WildyX, we like to pamper ourselves and our customers, but mostly ourselves. Some of our staff members are more high maintenance than others, but because they are so valuable we will go to any lengths to maintain their every need.
Take Reilly “Fingers” Anderson for instance. He told me the other day “You know Sam, sometimes I feel like a romantic era princess who just happened to be born into the body of a tall gangly 21st century ultra-stud.”

I nodded understandingly.

“Sometimes I feel like I’m a wild stallion on the outside, but a beautiful and dainty little pony on the inside”.
I wanted to tell him that I had found his stash of “My Little Pony” collectables in the break room but I thought that might embarrass him.
“This is kinda silly but, sometimes after my girlfriend goes to bed I hang my head out the window and let my long flowing hair blow gently in the cool night breeze in hopes that my Knight in shinning armor will come galloping up, and climb my hair up into my lonesome chamber.”

He said staring dreamily off into the distance…I felt totally weirded out and walked away.

Later that day as I was showing a customer our vast selection of discounted sleeping pads and I had a marvelous idea. “By the beard of Zeus I’ve got it!!” I exclaimed out loud “If Fingers wants to feel like a princess, well gosh-darn it, he deserves to feel like a princess” The customer looked confused. I told the customer to hurry up and pick a pad and get out of my face. The customer did so happily and gave me a high-five.
Then I frantically made a stack of all of our display pads. I went and grabbed Reilly by his long flowing nappy weave and told him to close his eyes because I had a grand surprise for him. Having him keep his eyes closed, I picked him up and laid him gently down on the stack of discounted Therm-A-Rest, Keltyand Pacific Outdoor pads I had made for him.
“Ok Fingers, now open your eyes and tell me how it feels.”
He wiggled around for a moment and said “Well this is a really nice surprise, but I feel like…. almost like there’s a small round object jabbing into my lower back.”

I grinned at him, bent down and removed a single pea from under the bottom pad and showed it to Fingers “See Reilly, you really ARE a princess!!!!”
“Oh, Sam…” he said tearing up.
“Shhhhhh…” I said holding my finger to his quivering lips “just sleep now.”

After he woke up I put the pea back under the stack of pads and had Lisa lay on it to serve as a control group. “Wow!! This is soooo comfy!” she exclaimed “You could put a bowling ball under there and I probably couldn’t feel it!!”

Reilly and I both looked at her in disgust. “You know Lisa,” Reilly said “there is a bunch of dirty dishes in the break room, maybe you should get started on those.” Lisa looked sad and went to the break room.

Fingers laid back down on the stack and looked at me “Sam,” he said “will you tell me a story?”


The End
Sam Benedict
Shipping/Receiving Manager
Wilderness Exchange Unlimited
2401 15th st Suite 100 Denver, CO 80202
303-477-0881sam@wildernessexchangeunlimited.com

Oboz – American trail shoes

Lets face it: a lot of the best outdoor footwear is made in Europe: Scarpa, LaSportiva, Kayland, the list goes on. What’s more all those awesome European companies tend to build their shoes on that super narrow euro last, leaving us boxy footed Americans having to either size up or endure. I asked our fearless leader the other day “when are we going to see an American company produce top-tier outdoor footwear?” Our fearless Leader responded by shrieking “Oboz! Oboz! Oboz!”. Then his head turned a full 360 degrees on his shoulders (like the Exorcist) and blood started spurting out of his eyes and then he walked away.

Later that day I received an Oboz shipment that contained the following:

Oboz Men's SAWTOOTH MID
Oboz Women's SAWTOOTH MID

Oboz Men's FIREBRAND 2
Oboz Women's FIREBRAND 2
 
Please recognize that Oboz are more American than:
-Apple pie
-NASCAR
-Football
-American Idol
-Obesity
-The American flag
-The constitution
-Reality television
-Hello Kitty (sorry Japan, but it’s really kind of ours now)
-Having the television and public school system raise you kids for you
-Driving your F-350 down the driveway to get the mail
-Working 44.5 hours a week but only being productive for 20 of them
-Having your emotional wellbeing largely contingent on the success or failure of your local sports teams
-Wearing Crocs to Wall-Mart
-Having your sprinkler system on until November
-Taking down your Christmas lights in March
-Bill O’Reilly, Glen Beck and the whole Fox News team all snuggled up in a giant American flag

Wave that flag,

Sam Benedict
Shipping/Receiving Manager
Wilderness Exchange Unlimited
2401 15th st Suite 100 Denver, CO 80202
303-477-0881sam@wildernessexchangeunlimited.com

Closeout BD boots caused a feeding frenzy!!!

So, not too long ago we received a truck load of closeout Black Diamond ski boots; so many in fact that we really didn’t know what to do with them. Sadly, as human nature dictates: excess leads to greed. Before we even got them all put away the staff was bickering, claiming “dibs” on sizes and rationalizing why they should have their pick before everyone else (except for Jeff, apparently he’s too good for BD boots). I tried to explain that there was more than enough for everybody. But my righteous words fell on ears already too polluted by selfishness and greed to hear anything but sin.

Things got out of hand when I walked out and saw Lisa and Andrea fighting like rabid female dogs over a pair of Black Diamond STILETTOs.

There was biting, scratching, roundhouse kicking, hair was flying everywhere. By the time I pried the boots out of their greedy clutches there were so many bite marks on them that we had to knock an additional 15% off the pair. It was really embarrassing to watch.

Then I turned around to what looked like an old western bar-fight everybody punching everybody and really not sure why. Black Diamond PUSH and Black Diamond FACTOR boots were flying all over the place. Frightened customers were fleeing the store concerned for their own safety. Things were getting pretty out of control…until a teary eyed Fingers burst in and shouted “Well I NEVER!
You guys are acting like a bunch of little kids, or drunken cowboys, I’m not sure which.. But the CUSTOMERS, won’t somebody please think of the customers”. Then as he broke down into uncontrollable sobbing, we all realized how disgracefully we had been acting. Then everything was back to normal in like ten minutes.

Moral of the story: we have A LOT of BD boots, and they are ALL best price.
Be nice, ski hard, and get some new boots from the WildyX,

Sam Benedict
Shipping/Receiving Manager
Wilderness Exchange Unlimited
2401 15th st Suite 100 Denver, CO 80202
303-477-0881sam@wildernessexchangeunlimited.com