Six Degrees

Working in a gear shop can be super mind-opening and revealing sometimes. Take, for example, this most recent buy of discounted Omega Pacific climbing gear. While going through hundreds of blemed OP Wedgies, carabiners, Link Cams, and snow pickets, I came across a strange realization that OP climbing gear kinda lies in the middle of the universe. You might ask yourself “are you on drugs Uncle Fingers?” but before you make those kinds of assumptions, let me explain a little and demonstrate.

Through much toil and thought, I propose that virtually anything and everything in the universe can be related to OP climbing gear in no more than six simple associations. As such, this unequivocally proves that discounted OP climbing gear constructs a sort of cosmic axis (Axis Mundi, if you will) of our ever expanding universe.

Here’s my proof:

  
Sally Struthers → who was satirized on → Southpark → a show that talks about → Casa Bonita → a place known for its grease and giving people diarrhea → just like → scary run-outs in Eldo → a place that will eat up → #3 OP Wedgies like nothing.
 

Here’s some more proof:


Kim Jong-il →who is a drama queen with big glasses →just like → Nicole Richie →  who is → a has-been coke-addict who has 3 too many really stupid dogs → who’s irrily similar to → that guy you climbed with at Rifle the other day → who was super stoked about → how the perma draws on Sprayathon got replaced with with draws that had → OP Classic ‘biners.



See what I mean? Very convincing evidence here. Here’s another.



That awesome YouTube video of Hulk Hogan about being “a Real American” → which reminds you of → how much you love and miss your childhood → which makes you → drink too many Budwieser American Flag beers after you get off work → which has created → a new convinent excuse for why you “aren’t stoked on sport climbing anymore” → which makes you → want to go solo aid climbing → the reason why you bought → OP Doval ‘biners for your aiders.
 


Amazing no? And for the most convincing evidence I have found:



That taco stand on South Federal, Tacos Rapidos → the ultimate destination for → a late-night black out sesh → which led to → indigestion and a messy break-up with your girlfriend → which is a reason why → you started climbing without your shirt on at Movement → which, fortunately, led you to → develop some insight and  a deep desire for cold weather and scary ski mountaineering → which is why you got super stoked when you saw the WildyX had → OP Snow Anchors for super cheap!
 

My defense rests,

Uncle Fingers