This past Monday was one of emotional tribulation, upheaval, revelation, perseverance, and in the end, one of triumph. Allow me to explain.
I was the first one at the shop, as usual. I was happily crushing box, and singing Prince’s “When Doves Cry” to myself at the top of my lungs. Our fearless leader walked in just as I reached the climax of the song and scared the living ba-geebus out of me. I blushed and greeted him awkwardly. But rather than receiving the good-natured ridicule and vocal critique that I expected, he just mumbled a half hearted, “Morning, Sam,” and moped into his office, closing the door behind him.
He was clearly upset about something.
I continued toiling and cursed myself for being caught singing so candidly again. It was almost as embarrassing as the time when Lisa walked in and saw me in front of the changing room mirror singing the Rolling Stones’ “Wild Horses” into a pair of trekking poles. I was even incorporating all my best Jagger moves and everything – I couldn’t look her in the eye for a month.
I came to a stopping point and paused for a moment. I heard the faint sound of weeping coming from Don’s office. Part of my job description is providing patient and compassionate emotional support for out fearless leader. So I dropped everything at once, went and barged into his office, and made the first Big Lebowski reference I could think of. His tears subsided momentarily, I saw a smile starting to form, but then the agony returned to his face and he started balling even more violently than before.
I would have to employ more extreme measures.
“What’s the matter pumpkin?” I asked kindly.
“It’s just, I wish… I just feel like I have nothing to live for” Don replied introspectively.
“What do you think would make you feel better?” I asked.
“Well, maybe if that #$##@&^ Patagonia closeout order would get here already” Don replied, clearly resentful about having to wait for what his heart desired most.
“I see” I replied, “Well you just hang tight, muffin. I’m gonna make it all better. Promise!”
“Thanks, Sam” re replied, blowing his nose.
I called up Patagonia and demanded that the pallet of high-end closeout apparel be delivered at once… or else!! Most of the in house people at Patagonia are completely terrified of me because of something that happened at a Lo-Do sports bar a few years ago – so I was confident that my demands would be appeased.
About 2 minutes later a frantic FedEx driver ran in the front door apologizing profusely and begging for forgiveness. I threw a gang-sign in the drivers face and signed for the pallet. I went and told Don the good news and he hugged me in a way that I had never been hugged before.
I spent the rest of the day pricing all the Patagonia action at 30% below retail and being very satisfied that I had so effectively relieved our fearless leader’s emotional demons.
Here is a link to about 30% of the 30% off Patagonia action that we got. The other 69% is awaiting copywriting. The other 1% was absorbed by our staff.
The end.
I was the first one at the shop, as usual. I was happily crushing box, and singing Prince’s “When Doves Cry” to myself at the top of my lungs. Our fearless leader walked in just as I reached the climax of the song and scared the living ba-geebus out of me. I blushed and greeted him awkwardly. But rather than receiving the good-natured ridicule and vocal critique that I expected, he just mumbled a half hearted, “Morning, Sam,” and moped into his office, closing the door behind him.
He was clearly upset about something.
I continued toiling and cursed myself for being caught singing so candidly again. It was almost as embarrassing as the time when Lisa walked in and saw me in front of the changing room mirror singing the Rolling Stones’ “Wild Horses” into a pair of trekking poles. I was even incorporating all my best Jagger moves and everything – I couldn’t look her in the eye for a month.
I came to a stopping point and paused for a moment. I heard the faint sound of weeping coming from Don’s office. Part of my job description is providing patient and compassionate emotional support for out fearless leader. So I dropped everything at once, went and barged into his office, and made the first Big Lebowski reference I could think of. His tears subsided momentarily, I saw a smile starting to form, but then the agony returned to his face and he started balling even more violently than before.
I would have to employ more extreme measures.
“What’s the matter pumpkin?” I asked kindly.
“It’s just, I wish… I just feel like I have nothing to live for” Don replied introspectively.
“What do you think would make you feel better?” I asked.
“Well, maybe if that #$##@&^ Patagonia closeout order would get here already” Don replied, clearly resentful about having to wait for what his heart desired most.
“I see” I replied, “Well you just hang tight, muffin. I’m gonna make it all better. Promise!”
“Thanks, Sam” re replied, blowing his nose.
I called up Patagonia and demanded that the pallet of high-end closeout apparel be delivered at once… or else!! Most of the in house people at Patagonia are completely terrified of me because of something that happened at a Lo-Do sports bar a few years ago – so I was confident that my demands would be appeased.
About 2 minutes later a frantic FedEx driver ran in the front door apologizing profusely and begging for forgiveness. I threw a gang-sign in the drivers face and signed for the pallet. I went and told Don the good news and he hugged me in a way that I had never been hugged before.
I spent the rest of the day pricing all the Patagonia action at 30% below retail and being very satisfied that I had so effectively relieved our fearless leader’s emotional demons.
Here is a link to about 30% of the 30% off Patagonia action that we got. The other 69% is awaiting copywriting. The other 1% was absorbed by our staff.
The end.
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