Monday, August 29, 2011

Narwhals love closeout deals

So maybe I’m out of the loop. Or maybe just poorly educated, but the other day I realized that I have spent my whole life up to this point not knowing what a Narwhal is. This was a very painful realization for me, but I’m glad it happened when it did. I credit my co-worker Jeff for bringing the existence of Narwhals to my attention. Thanks Jeff.
  
 
Anyone who known me knows that I am a man who loves unicorns. Narwhals are like the unicorns of the sea!! And while they are an endangered species, they’re still more common than unicorns. This means that I have a much better chance of riding a Narwhal into the sunset than I do of riding a unicorn down a rainbow highway into a magical forest filled with gum-drops, IPA waterfalls and electric guitars.  
 
So I did a little research on the Narwhal. What I discovered was shocking. Apparently what Narwhals love most in the entire world is closeout, cosmetic 2nd and off price specialty outdoor products like these:
 
Salomon XA COMP 5 – though Narwhals are a creature of the sea, they know a screamin’ deal on a trail shoe when they see one.
 
Mountain Hardwear Women's TORSION GLOVE – male Narwhals are incredibly attracted to human females who wear nice softshell gloves
 
Mountain Hardwear Women's ASCENT STRETCH AIR PERMEABLE GAITER – these are a status symbol in the Narwhal community.
 
Any discounted climbing harness!! – most human climbers replace their harness every two to three years – Narwhals have to get a new one every few months. Apparently soaking in salt water is worse for nylon than UV.
 
So how can the average Joe help prevent the majestic Narwhal from becoming extinct? Simple – buy closeout products like the ones mentioned above from the WildyX. These creatures have a mysterious power that enables them to track our sales. When they see that we’re moving a lot of product, it sends them in to a vicious breeding frenzy.
 
Also, it should be noted that every time a Narwhal is born three things happen:
 
1 – The holes in the ozone layer get smaller.
2 – A dried up oil field somewhere suddenly starts producing again.
3 - A hungry child somewhere is given a cheeseburger.
 
 
And now you know,
 
Sam Benedict
Shipping/Receiving Manager
Wilderness Exchange Unlimited
2401 15th st Suite 100 Denver, CO 80202
303 477 0881

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Apocalypse now?

Well, it looks like the world is coming to an end. What with the earthquakes here in Colorado, and the ones along the east coast, AND that big ole’ hurricane coming in - what’s her name? Irene? I think they should have called her Beyonce. Whatever. Then of course the wedding of Kim Kardashian. Then Kim and Kris’s honeymoon being delayed by a heard of goats. And the whole stock market thing… it seems like all signs are pointing toward apocalypse. I reckon here in a couple years our world is going to look a heck of a lot like that movie The Road. I just hope the real apocalypse does a little better in the box office…

Let me take a second to answer some frequently asked questions about the world’s eminent destruction.

Q: Should I be bummed out about this?
A: No. Not really. The world had a good run. Plus it was getting a little stale. I’ll bet the next world will be a lot better.

Q: What should I do to prepare for said apocalypse?
A: Not too much really. Just catch up on your emails, make sure all you laundry is done and take advantage of some crazy deals on stuff that might help you survive a little better, like these:
Q: Are you absolutely positive that the world is going to end?
A: Um, yeah… more or less. The important thing is the you take advantage of the deals at the WildyX. Everything else is up to fate.

Q: Do you think Kim and Kris’s marriage is going to last?
A: I give it two years, maybe three. Assuming they too take advantage of the the deals at the WildyX.

Go live it up,


Sam Benedict
Shipping/Receiving Manager
Wilderness Exchange Unlimited
2401 15th st Suite 100 Denver, CO 80202
303 477 0881

Friday, August 19, 2011

La Sportiva - Oh the places you'll GO!!!

My Girlfriend reads me bedtime stories sometimes. She does this only under the contingency that I have behaved myself that day. Behaving myself consist of doing my chores, like vacuuming the floor, feeding the dogs, vacuuming the dogs and giving her massages. I also have to not pick my nose and stare at people when we are in public together, and not say stupid things by mistake.
 
The other night she was reading me “Oh the Places You’ll Go” by Dr. Seuss. I love most all of Seuss’s work, but this one has always been a favorite of mine. The message is that life is your oyster, a great adventure, and that anything is possible. It’s very uplifting and puts me in a happy place.
 
However, I couldn’t help but notice the other night that the author leaves out one pretty critical piece of the equation – footwear. He cleverly references in rhyme almost all the major types of triumph and defeat that one is sure to encounter in life. The book addresses some very philosophical and existential dilemmas. He even makes reference to shoes and feet many times, but never addresses the tremendous importance of proper footwear. Who knows maybe he was having a hard time rhyming with LaSportiva. Or maybe he thought specific product plugs would cheapen his writing… I don’t think it would have, but what do I know.
 
Anyway, point being: we just scored a huge pile of LaSportiva closeouts. 30% off on these three:
 

 
So grab a pair before they’re gone, click the book cover below to get inspired, then go move some mountains kid!... or climb them, your choice, just don’t get stuck in that waiting place.
 
 
Sam Benedict
Shipping/Receiving Manager
Wilderness Exchange Unlimited
2401 15th st Suite 100 Denver, CO 80202
303 477 0881

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Be happy

Life is too short not to have a good time. It’s important to avoid stress and to do things that make you feel good. I mean, you always have a choice when you get down in the dumps. You can invert into your own polluted consciousness, allow yourself to be sucked into the downward spiral of your on negativity, OR, you could just eat some ice cream and turn on some music that makes you happy.
 
Here are a few that work for me:
  
Baby Beluga      Me & Julio       Du Hast
 
Another thing that can bring me out of a bad mood is buying my self some new climbing gear. Even though I don’t use most of my gear, can always look at my excessive assortment of cams, nuts, slings, ascenders, carabinersropes and shoes… and feel a little better in knowing that I have enough gear and them some to haul a small army up just about anything. 
 
Another thing I do when I’m feeling blue is look at pictures of unicorns on the internet. Here are a few that I found that really make me happy.
  
 
But who knows? Maybe unicorns aren’t your cup of tea? Maybe you’re the type who needs to get outside for a few days – take a trip, go camping, take that backpacking trip you’ve been itching for. If that sounds you, then you might want out check out some of our deals on tents, sleeping bags and pads, stoves and cookware
 
Or maybe you have all the products you need. In that case you should probably just google “adorable puppies” and prepare to feel warm and/or fuzzy inside.
 
Be happy,
 
Sam Benedict
Shipping/Receiving Manager
Wilderness Exchange Unlimited
2401 15th st Suite 100 Denver, CO 80202
303 477 0881

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Ode to harness #26

So I got to thinking the other day about harnesses, and how if you think about it, all other climbing gear is pretty much worthless if you take the harness out of the picture. All your ropes, carabiners, cams, nuts, slings, pulleys, rope devices, beer-bongs, sky hooks, RURPs, rivet hangers, wall hammers, big bros and hand drills… would really be quite useless with out the harness.

I started feeling like the poor harness is like the unsung hero of the climbing arsenal. Then I looked at my own loyal harness and started to cry a little. Then I picked my harness up and hugged it and apologized for taking it for granted. Then I cried a little more. Then my girlfriend walked in and gave me a very disapproving, contemptuous, but not all that surprised sort of a look. I told her to leave us alone, and to go make me a Hot Pocket, or mow the yard or something.

My emotional little moment with my harness inspired me to write a poem. I call it Ode to harness #26.

Here goes:

Oh harness oh harness
I wear you all day
I hang in you sometimes, when I have to belay
You hold all my gear
Like my cams and daisy chain
And you catch me at times, when I can not maintain
You were my first piece of gear, when I was just new
And I hate to take you off, but sometimes I must poo


Then I started thinking of all the great deals on harnesses at the WildyX, like these:

Black Diamond MOMENTUM DS Harness Package
 

Black Diamond PRIMROSE SA Harness

Mammut VISION Harness


Mammut MIRAGE Harness


Black Diamond PRIMROSE A/L Harness

So anyway, the next time you’re out crushing, take a little time to let your harness know how good its been to you and how much you really do appreciate it… Unless you don’t really like your harness that much, in which case you should lay a big guilt trip on it and come buy a new one from us.

Climb on,

Sam Benedict
Shipping/Receiving Manager
Wilderness Exchange Unlimited
2401 15th st Suite 100 Denver, CO 80202
303 477 0881

Monday, August 8, 2011

Mammut – best recognize

Can I just say that I love Mammut? They are a totally awesome company. Every single thing they make is somewhere between mind-bendingly awesome and face-meltingly awesome. Every time I clip my Mammut rope through one of my Mammut carabiners, or put on one of my rugged yet euro-chic Mammut garments, I am filled with this warm fuzzy feeling that I can only imagine would be comparable to hugging a baby mammoth, or swimming in a pool full of puppies.
  or

 
That’s probably why Mammut decided to use a mammoth in their branding concept – a pool of puppies just isn’t as concise and doesn’t carry the same connotation of rugged power.
 
That said, you should check out the following list of Mammut products. Any one of them has the potential to enrich your life in ways unimaginable.
 
-Mammut GALAXY 10mm X 70M DUODESS SUPERDRY
 
In summary: puppies are adorable, so are infant mammoths, and Mammut products are a shining example of all that is wonderful in the world.
 
Have a splendid week.
  
Sam Benedict
Shipping/Receiving Manager
Wilderness Exchange Unlimited
2401 15th st Suite 100 Denver, CO 80202
303 477 0881

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Behold the Rabness!!!

Yeah. its summer alright. Our crazy monsoon season seems to have come to a close and we’re now moving into a pretty standard, blistering hot August. That said, I’d like to take a moment to talk about down jackets, soft shell jackets, and of course heavy-duty hard-shell jackets.

I know, it seems seasonally inappropriate, but stay with me hrere. Many of us know that the one sure fire way to beat the heat this time of year is to seek higher ground. Like the other day for instance, my esteemed associate and I decided to go up to Mount Evans and do a little rock grappling. We climbed a route called Road Warrior– it was a very physical climb, and we did find ourselves sweating a little (also cursing, hyperventilating, dry-heaving and crying a little).  But the fact that it was only 65 degrees made us feel like we came out ahead.

Then once we had returned to terra-firma and the clouds started rolling in, I was suddenly quite glad that I had decided to bring my new Rab Men's MICROLIGHT Jacket. The extra 13 ounces in the pack were well worth it. As my partner and looked over the beautiful landscape and reveled in our victory, I couldn’t help but to notice that he was shivering a bit. I, on the other hand was feeling quite cozy. He started hiking like a drill sergeant in order to stay warm, while I lazily and comfortably meandered back up the steep, lush, tundra, smoking many cigarettes and greeting the adorable little marmots as I went.
 +  +  +
 =
Moral of the story: Sometimes it’s worth it to carry a little extra weight in the name of comfort.

Other moral of the story: We just scored a huge closeout buy on some radical Rab products that will keep you comfy when you decide to head for the high-country. We’re blowing ‘em out at 35% off retail – which means they’ll probably be gone before winter. So come get some now, and be glad you did once you’re up there.

Behold the Rabness:
-Rab Men's DIHEDRAL Pants
-Rab Men's LATOK ALPINE Jacket
-Rab Men's MICROLIGHT Jacket
-Rab Men's MICROLIGHT Vest
-Rab Men's EXODUS Jacket
-Rab Men's MICROLIGHT ALPINE Jacket
-Rab Women's MICROLIGHT Jacket



Now go get high,


Sam Benedict
Shipping/Receiving Manager
Wilderness Exchange Unlimited
2401 15th st Suite 100 Denver, CO 80202
303 477 0881
sam@wildernessexchangeunlimited.com